Katie

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 00:01:20 GMT

Sorry for not updating lately my computer is kinda fucked up so yeah. Well a quick update is I suck at volleyball, I think. Ive been messing up with that more than normal lately but oh well. This this with me liking Scott isnt gonna happen hes going out with Kelsey, again. Shop is awesome I kinda actually feel like Im part of Mollie's little group now (Melanie, Steve, Sean and Mollie) Life itself is overall good except Mr Cummings is a fucking douche. He fucking sits me out during the second game and I have no fucking idea why. Like seriously Im better than more than half the fucking team and yet he sits me! Like I dont mind sitting out for a little bit but when I sit and just watch the people out there suck and cause us to either lose or go into a third game its fucking retarded. He puts me in when theres all of 2 minutes left of the game and theres no time for anyone to actually prevent us from losing. Also Jessi (this little stuck up slutty freshman) is on varsity along with JV but SHE SUCKS! She doesnt deserve to play with us. I mean dont get me wrong she is good but just not good enough for varsity. Well thats volleyball for ya. Umm what else oh me and TJ are talking again and thats something I really missed. Will and I talk more now than we have been lately. I love Will hes awesome.

Oh yeah I saw Jen today at volleyball... She is the coolest person from BVT ever! lol

Live.Love.Burn.Die.

Say you dont care, Say you dont care

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 07:43:56 GMT

Ive been thinking a lot about shit I would rather not think about. Like I dunno I miss TJ and shit but I know I shouldnt. We have been broken up for like 2 or 3 weeks and I miss him more than ever. Regardless of what everyone else thinks hes like the perfect guy. He never treated me badly and or did anything wrong to me. He is wicked sweet, kind, understanding and overall hott. He has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. Everytime I hear that Heaven song I cant help but think of him because right after he asked me out some girl sang that and I dunno it just reminded me of him all the time. Im still not over him and I actually still do love him, hard to believe but its true. I miss him soo much. Just seeing his face and hearing his voice made me fall in love with him all over again.

TJ if you are reading this Im sorry but I cant help the way I feel.

Oh man right now Heather is telling me about how much her and Justin love eachother and its wicked obvious and I cant help but think that I need a guy like him because hes soo sweet to her and he buys her nice things. I NEED A GUY LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMMIT!

Missing you :\

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 22:22:23 GMT

Congrats Scott and Brittney! I wish you guys the best.

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 22:02:03 GMT

I MADE FUCKING VARSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh man it's fucking insane how happy I am right now like I can't even describe it.

Other than that shit just confusing thoughts and feelings. You know the usual shit.

Still thinking about all those great times from the past
Disappointed those "great" times just didn't last

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 19:49:36 GMT

Goodbye

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 03:24:02 GMT

ME AND TJ GOT BACK TOGETHER AT ABOUT 9:25 TONIGHT! yeah Im wicked happy I love him sooo much! But anyway.... volley ball starts tomorrow and Im gonna die!! First of all I have to get up at 7, 8 at the latest, then try out for 2 hours then come home after running and practicing a lot its just gonna suck. Oh well Ill get to see a bunch of people I havent seen for like ever so its all good.

I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH TJ!!

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 17:35:34 GMT

---------------------------------
A lot of tears have been shed
As I try to hold up my head
To get through it all
I see his face as all the tears fall
Knowing hes not mine anymore
Just kills me inside and I am sure
That I lost someone I loved
---------------------------------

Yeah thats right me and TJ broke up the other day. The worst part is I started to fall for him and I got my heart broken.

---------------------------------
Im afraid to fall in love
Afraid to fall so fast
Because every time I fall in love
It seems to never last
---------------------------------

Those last two lines fit perfectly in my life right now.
Once I started to fall for him I lost him over the stupidest things.
But whatever hes better off with out me.
All I did was get him in trouble and make it harder for me to see him.
If I wasnt so retarded and didn't fuck everything up I might still have him.
I wish I still had him. I havent felt so happy in a long time.
Now that my happiness is gone I dont know what to do.
Im so lost not only in life but in my own mind. Im lost in my heart.
I dont know what to feel anymore. Theres only one thing I know for sure right now and thats that I love TJ and I will love him no matter what.
As long as I have him in my life I guess its better than nothing.
But Im not sure If I can be just friends with him because I love him as more than a friend and I know its gonna stay like that.
I dont know what to do Im so lost and confused. But for now dealing with it is all I can do I guess.

Later...

All About Will

Wed, 18 Aug 2004 00:42:50 GMT

These past few nights Ive been staying up talking to my newest best buddy William Thomas Moreau. Hes a cool kid that likes four wheeling and stuff like that. He is also very kind, caring, sweet and funny. And ladies hes single. LOL Will see what I do for you :) Oh man staying up all night talking to you has been awesome. You are great! Sorry about talking to you so much... well to the point that you have about 20 minutes left on your cell. You know it was all worth it.

Will... Peace Out Boy Scout

Mon, 16 Aug 2004 16:26:07 GMT

Happy late birthday Sam!!

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 01:44:17 GMT

I just got back from hanging out with TJ and theres not too much to tell. Well there is I'm just not going to because it's personal. We really just hung out at the mall with Dugan (John Dugan if you didnt know) Of course being me and TJ we wondered off. But oh well it was all good. TJ makes the mall wicked fun plus Dugan is awesome so its just great hanging out with them. Dugan, "She owed me tonight" lol Oh man you get grossed out by everything. Well yeah... I miss Will but hes coming back from Maine Sunday so its all good. I cant wait to see him

People if you are going to warped tour let me know!! I wanna find some cool people to go with. Example... Mollie because shes one of the coolest people out there. So yeah let me know.

I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH TJ!!!!!!

Later...

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 02:46:42 GMT

Lately Ive been very very confused. I hung out with both Scott and TJ more and I had a lot of fun with both of them... not in the same way because I refuse to cheat on TJ. But anyway I realized that I'm starting to like Scott all over again. This isnt good. I love TJ and I will never break up with TJ for Scott ever. But I dunno its just kinda hard for me to think clearly now.

I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH TJ!!!!!

Later...

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 02:08:51 GMT

I hate hot glue!!!

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 19:19:54 GMT

These past few days have sucked but there were a few good things mixed in. Saturday I went to Brittany's house for her birthday party. It was pretty cool. Some chicks there were bitches but the volleyball part of the party was wicked funny. BJ, Ian and Mike were crazy during it but it was all good. Sunday sucked, my Coheed and Cambria cd was stolen and Ericas cell phone was stolen. I was supposed to see TJ sunday night but that didnt happen because my parents are jerks. I called up TJ when he told me to and his crazy ass mom told me that he was seeing someone else and never to call there again. It was actually kinda funny because I didnt believe it. Today, since I couldnt call his house Heather called for me and was just gonna tell him to call me. Well that didnt exactly work out as planned. His dad told Heather to tell me that if I call again he will file a police report. When I found this out I was pissed that I couldnt even talk to my own boyfriend. After a little while I called back and told them that if they wanted to file a report to go ahead and do it because I dont care. His mom made up this bullshit story that me and Justin laughed at (Justin was on 3 way with me and his mom) But yeah theres all the shit thats happened but the good news is... SCOTT IS COMING BACK TO TRI!! Im soooo happy!! Scott is the greatest! I love him so much just for being there for me and introducing me to TJ lol. I love you Scott. I love you soooo much TJ!!!

well there the shit i dont feel like typing anymore so later

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TJ!

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 01:06:52 GMT

Happy Birthday Chas!!!!!

The "Movies"

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 02:45:50 GMT

I woke up today with some chick calling me when I havent talked to them for a wicked long time she gave me shit on people in North Attleboro. After that I called up a few people and just did nothing for about an hour. I finally got a hold of TJ because yesterday I didnt talk to him at all. Well I talked to him and then we made plans to go to the movies. After a little while of planning and a little begging I got there with no problems. I met up with TJ there and we walked in the place and waiting for our parents to leave after we were sure they were gone we left the theater. Found a few spots and had some real fun. I love TJ so much hes awesome!!!!!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TJ!!!

Later...

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 05:15:44 GMT

WILL IS BACK FROM VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was fucking awesome. I went to the mall and met Scott, Andy and TJ there. This was my first time meeting Scott and TJ. Well right from the start me and TJ hit it off we had a lot of fun hanging out. We were at the food court just hanging out and shit but then Scott Andy and 3 other kids left. It was just me and TJ we sat there and talked for a little while then we decided to try to go find them. We took like one walk around the 3rd floor and then we left and went outside. We found a nice little private place and had some fun. It was awesome!!! We were there and no one knew, some people came out for cigarettes and some chick started singing it was just wicked funny. We didnt care that they were there so we just continued doing what we were doing. After they went back inside we decided to find another spot. We found a great spot and got down in the dirt and had some more fun. There was making out, boners and a little talking. It was just so awesome I love TJ soo much!! We were both supposed to meet our parents at 9 but we didnt meet them until like 9:45ish. His mom was kinda mad but my mom didnt care. I GOT THE NEW TAKING BACK SUNDAY CD!!! Im wicked happy about that but Im even happier I got with TJ. Tonight was just over all fucking awesome. Oh yeah by the way Scott thank you so much for getting TJ to go to the mall.

I love you TJ!!!!!

Later...

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 04:18:28 GMT

Today was horrible! I woke up and called Bobby and we had a nice little conversation for a while but then he had to go so I went and called up Sam. Oh yeah me and Sam are talking a lot more now. God I missed hearing Sams voice and just knowing hes there for me. But anyway we just talked about random shit and what not. A little while after I called up Bobby again and just talked and shit then we got into this huge fight about him judging people because of how they look and me talking different because Ive been talking to people from Seekonk a lot lately. That whole conversation ended in me saying "dont ever fucking talk to me again you asshole I hope you fucking rot in hell you fucking piece of shit" At this point I was so pissed off that I threw the phone against the wall and dented it. A few seconds later he calls me back and goes "Im sorry I love you" but at that point I was so mad that I responded with "I dont think sorry is gonna work this time" and the usual hanging up occurred. Me and Bobby fight all the time but never like we did today and it sucked so bad because I love him and just being mad at him sucks. Us fighting today caused me to go crying to not 1 not 2 but 3 ex boyfriends. Just showing how retarded I am and how weak I am. It just sucked. Also I think I broke my foot today. Thats always something you wanna do before volleyball try outs :-/. Just over all it sucked. The only good part of my day was talking to Sam again and just knowing I still have people to turn to when I need help.

Thanks Justin, Chas, Sam, and Brandon for talking to me today and just being there when I needed you. You guys are great friends!

Later...

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 03:37:18 GMT

I love when people randomly say I love you to me. It just makes everything so much more complicated. I thought being single would be easier than being with someone but oh dear God was I wrong. Brandon last night said "I love you" and when he said that I was over whelmed with this feeling. I dont know whether it was because I still loved him or whether it was just nice to know that I was loved. But I dont even know if I still like him in that way nevermind love him. I dont know its just so confusing because I really love someone else and him saying that confuses the hell out of me. I just dont know anymore. I love Bobby sooo much and I would do anything for him but the only reason Im not going out with him is because I dont wanna go out with anyone right now. I just wanna take a break from relationships. But yeah once again Im gonna say I dont know where I stand on how I feel about Brandon. I mean he is really great and hes in not one but two bands which is wicked hott. But I dont know. Life is one big soap opera and you cant change the channel. This is the crap that caused me to go into that state of depression like 2 weeks ago. Damn my feelings for everyone. I just wanna rip out my heart and throw it into a stupid wood chipper. Between all of this crap going on with me, Heather and Justin broke up the other day and Im stuck in them fighting and saying shit and Im hearing all this crap from each of them and its pissing me off. LIke I have so much of my own shit going on that I dont wanna hear about other peoples fucking lives.

Anyway moving on now the new Taking Back Sunday cd came out today but too bad I have no money. Wait a minute Brandon has money...he loves me... HE'LL BUY IT FOR ME!! Nevermind I dont like when people buy me anything. But Brandon if you wanna make me happy and get more of a chance to get back with me you know what to do. (buy me the cd not what else you might be thinking) Well this is as much typing as I feel like doing.

Later...

Psycho Chick

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 02:13:22 GMT

My little brothers ex girlfriend Ashley IMs me today pretending to be her sister, Trinity, now obviously thats bullshit because I know she doesnt have a sister and what kind of name is Trinity. But anyway shes all like yeah Ashley ran away and we havent seen her in 2 days. Now that was complete crap because she was online today talking about how she wanted to kill herself and shit. So then she was saying that the police wanna talk to my brother and for him to call her moms house. He did and she answered. Shes such a pathetic idiot shes crying because my brother never wants to see her or talk to her again... I was listening to all of this and I was on the floor laughing. Shes been saying she wants to kill herself for the past 2 weeks and last night i told her to grow some balls and just do it because Im sick of her. Right now I kinda wish she did kill herself... it would make for a good story to tell people. I can see it now "Psychotic Pathetic Ex Girlfriend Kills Herself" oh man I wish she died

Later...

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 04:41:47 GMT

I have been up to nothing of any importance lately so yeah I dunno. The other day I met this kid named Will, hes cool. And umm yeah thats the extent of my week.

Later...

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 17:11:22 GMT

Im more lost and confused than ever and it really sucks. Just knowing you could have something so great but its too far away is horrible. I dont know whether to go for something close but not as great or to go for something amazing but far away. My head is spinning in complete confusion and my heart is ripping in two this pain is reducing me to nothing and Im about to just give up. I cant take this crap anymore.

I made a decision the last night to let someone I love go and now Im just sitting here wondering whether it was the right choice. But the way I view it is that if you let someone you love go and no matter what they come back then you know that they love you too and will do anything to keep you in there life. I have no idea if that is gonna work but we will see I guess.

Yesterday Scott got back from his vacation!! I was so happy to talk to him again. I missed him sooo much. Scott is absolutely amazing hes my best friend and I love him to death.

Also, Chas got back from the cape yesterday. I missed him too. Chas is the greatest!

This past week I have been stuck in a complete state of depression and the two people that help me out the most were gone at the same time... Thanks Scott and Chas. But I have them back now and things are going alright.

But yeah that sums up what has basically been going on till this point. Im really looking forward to knowing what the hell Im gonna do with this close and far thing but for now its all good and Im just gonna have to deal with this shit.

Sorry about all the reading

Later...

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 05:24:14 GMT

break ups are.... ok i guess i dunno.

good news...
im kinda out of my week long state of depression ive actually started to leave my house again. the other day i went paint balling with my little brother and he won. he shot me in the head and the hand both times it was a wicked good shot. this was like my first time playing in like 2 years so yeah he is definatly better than me. after that i dunno i just sat at home back to my depression. but yeah. im starting to know what the hell to do now i havent known what to do in over a week so its a nice change.

well yeah

later...

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 00:54:55 GMT

the other day i met the most amazing guy ever. hes awesome in every single way but i cant be with him although we both wanna be with eachother cuz im with Brandon. i know that sounds horrible but i just dont know. i love Brandon sooo much hes awesome, but i havent seen him in a week and i just dont know where we stand :-/ i dunno im a horrible person i know. but like yeah im staying with brandon because me and bobby desided to just be friends, very very very good friends.

I just found out that my friend Tonys dad died from a drug overdose :'(
Ill miss you todd

Later...

Mon, 05 Jul 2004 05:39:11 GMT

yeah well i didnt go to new hampshire like i was supposed to because...umm i dont know. But saturday was awesome. First of all Brandon came over at like 11:30 and we just hung out at my house till like 6. After that we went to Heathers house to hang out with her for a while then go to the carnival in Franklin. At the carnival i saw steve which was cool since hes fucking awesome. Yeah we just hung out and shit till like 10:30 when the fireworks were over and shit. It was awesome just being with Brandon. I love the kid so much. Yeah i was on shit and it was wicked noticable in the car while my parents are driving him home lol. yes i know im a fucking idiot.

Anyway...

Today I woke up at like 1 in the afternoon only people i had to get up to get the phone. Then was suppose to go to a party with Heather but instead i have to go to my aunts house in Uxbridge which kinda sucked at first but got better. We had nothing to do and i was wicked bored cuz i dont fit in with my family at all. Like they are all these preppy ghetto people and im a gothic freak but yeah oh well. we played basketball and whiffle ball. My uncle was being a stupid fuck and thought he was better than kids from the ages 2-15 so yeah hes an idiot. after that we just hung out then decided to go swimming so yeah thats what we did until like 9:30. Now its like 1:36 and im wicked bored and this entry is getting kinda big so yeah

I love you Brandon!!

Later...

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 04:03:14 GMT

Today I hung out wtih Heather at debbies which was cool i slid around on hardwood floors in my socks, got ice shoved down my shirt and i talked to Brandon most of the day. oh yeah since i havent written in here in a few days a little update is im going out with Brandon. We have been together for only a few days but hes awesome plus hes in a band which is insane. I dunno I love the kid hes great...hes a lot better than that ass of a kid Jeff. Well yeah im not gonna be writing for a few more days cuz im leaving for New Hampshire Saturday or something like that i dunno i dont remember.

Well later....

I LOVE YOU BRANDON!